Dilemma and Confusion!

I am going to be tell you a small story…it is “inspired” from none other then our very own bollywood…and how many of you’ll have watched “Bunty Aur Bubby”….well my story also has two thieves and a policeman….and ofcourse me…!

But since the story is only inspired and not copied…the similarity ends there!

I am gonna talk about…..this man and a women who haunted me for many days and nights….made me think 24/7 ….have puts me through a lot of pain…..god its almost torture….I hate it….but they are still there….this thing…I mean people don’t only bothers me….but also all my close friends….through me..
And you know what…its me who nurtured them….made them grow …

Here’s introducing to you the “thieves” or the bad guys in my story…today…..the monsters who are build in my head… who possesses me when they come….who may with a new disguise every time….and maybe with a different name….but I know the soul is the same….and I think its my fault they come….

u know what I am sure he must be possessing you guys to many a times…and when I introduce him….i am sure some of you will recognize him….

Ladies and Gentlemen here is presenting to you…the bad guys of today’s story…

“Ms Dilemma De-Cruz”

And her Chinese friend


Recognize them..?

Many of you would be familiar with the Chinese guy by the Indian pronunciation of his name confusion and Ms D-Cruz by his first name “Dilemma”

Yes ladies and gentlemen its these are the two things Dilemma and Confusion who rule and ruin my life! And I am fighting a loosing battle to get back some control!

They are born when there are options to choose from…and the .if all options are equally good or Bad….these demons have a field day…

I am a confused soul…..I don’t know what I want out of life…..and I can be very fickle minded….

I have trouble decisions…be it small ones like which topic to speak on…for toastmasters there is soo much to talk on…or big decisions as to which guy I should get married to..(not that there are too many options there to choose form! But still!)….

I’ll share something that happened with me quite recently….

May 29th 2006…I am about to get a release form my ongoing project…I get a call from one of the big bosses saying Singapore is your next assignment….30th May 2006…I get a call from another not so big boss saying Mumbai is an option and then the torture began…I was suffering….and so were all my close friends and any guesses who was the culprit….well not the bosses in TCS that comes latter … it was none other then me myself and my two ghosts …of confusion and dilemma…

I could not decide….weather I want to go to Singapore for an onsite assignment or try for a transfer back home to Mumbai…..both great options…one my first onsite opportunity….short one but still…the other the option to go back home…..something I always wanted to…

I did all the methods from the DAR session I attended in this very room…and spoke to all my friends and seniors…and as expected….came to contradicting conclusions…..would give “Go” higher priority and the other gave “Don’t Go” Higher priority…..people said..onsite opportunity…difficult to get in TCS now grab it…others said…go back home…once you go onsite and come back you will be stuck in hyderbad for a long time to come….what to do I do…confusion and dilemma prevailed strong…as both the options were good in their own way….

So what did I do …thought contemplated and agonized…..but took no action…

and then finally I could take it anymore and complained to the police force to take some action and chase dilemma and confusion away..

There came the policeman “ Mr Dession Demello”…but alas…Mr Decision was too week due to lack of exercise as he has not been called to action too often and every time and could not do much……

Ultimately after almost 2 months of agony…fate intervened to help Mr Decision Demello and removed the options….options were akin to air….for the monsters of my story and thus they died a natural death…and Mr Decision finally overcame the confusion and Dilemma and I was off to singapore and back now standing here and telling you this story!

All worked out well at the end….But at what cost…? Was the mental torture and the uncertainty and the repeated discussions…worth the trouble…maybe not… if only my policeman Mr Decision had been stronger….the demons of confusion and dilemma would not have played on my mind and ruined soo many days of my life…

Ok so what am I going to do about it….? Help Mr Decision to be come stronger…so that next time when confusion and dilemma raise their ugly head…The Police Decision can chop their heads off at the first stage and let peace prevail….

And how am I going to make Mr Desicison stronger….what do u think…well by ensuring he goes to the Gym and exercises ofcouse…

Osho says…take small decisions and stick to them….it helps to strengthen your decisions making capabilities and train you to take bigger decisions and stick to them…

So my excersise are on…!

What I do now is take small decisions and stick to them…like…I will brush my teeth every night before sleeping…or I will have only fruits for lunch for a week…and I will go to the Gym 3 times a week for the next two weeks….

I am hoping my Police Mr Decision becomes stronger…

And when it comes to the next difficult decision of in my life… maybe who I should get married to or which is the next project I should shift to… I fare better then what I did previously…

Just like excising your body…..excising your mind is an ongoing journey…. And as I stand here talking to you the journey continues!

This was a speech I had given long back at a Toastmasters meeting in Hyderabad…I plan to use this as my Project 3 speech at the Mumbai TCS club sometime.


Filed under Thoughts and Feelings, Toastmasters

6 responses to “Dilemma and Confusion!

  1. Blue Kite Dreamz

    well gal ..lets just say that you belong to the sect of lateral thinkers…

    You cannot help but visualize multiple options in front of you..having said say you may not be moving towards a singular option..you might actually be moving away from the best option seeking the next best possible option..its the internal hunger.. For me a fickle minded person wd be someones who makes a descision and then wavers from it..but then here u are seemingly faced with “unable to make a descision problem ” What u seem to be doing is playing around with options..experimenting with ideas without any purpose or direction.most of the time.and you cant help it much..some of us arent born with sequential- thinking-perfectly-synchronized mechanisms…. and beleive me they can be quite boring ….
    whereas the likes of you can jump ahead to a new option ..a new project..and fill the gap later…
    Most of the time you wd feel.that you are looking for something…but u wdnt know …WHAT ..until u found it …!!!!

    So chill…loosen yr grip on options..dont tame them…let them spontaneously generate and terminate themselves…and go by yr gut feel..i myself have never been able to locate my gut though…i guesss its just a strong feel….


  2. Kunal

    Don’t think too much.. Don’t ask many people for suggestions.. U normally fall deep into the well of thoughts.. That is what i do.. Some time to myself and i’m able to figure the decision i want to make..

    If the same dilemma happened to me, I would have tried prioritizing the 2 options and then go with the one with the highest priority. Keeping things simple always helps..

  3. Anand.U

    Madam…You’re special and don’t let anybody take it away from you …

    hav fun !!!

  4. rashi

    awesome….u actually managed to figure out the demons….
    man…they have been hunting me ever since i have known myself……

  5. abc

    nice story/ speech

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